How I feel about starting this new blog

So, this part of the page is basically for when I feel like I need to express my thoughts, or how I am feeling inside. Hopefully this will help other parents understand that they are not alone in this journey and help me understand what I am feeling and emotionally discharge everything inside me. But anyways, I feel so pumped writing everything down, I feel like this is something that I need to do, because honestly this new "normal" is just so confusing. Its filled with emotions, big big anxiety/panic attacks, a lot of questions, and just getting used to everything. Typing everything that we lived before Erick was diagnosed definitely brings a lot of bad memories and a lot of "oh i should have done this" or "why didn't I fucking do this before time. But if you truly think of it, no one knew. Its not like the doctors are Gods to tell us what is going or its not like anything would have changed; it was eventually going to happen. And to be honest this is something that took me a while to realize this, it wasn't anyone's fault. It wasn't something that either I or Luis did, it wasn't something that could have been avoided. For the longest time, I considered myself lucky. Some of my cousins on my mother's side had been diagnosed with *hemophilia and during my pregnancy with Erick, I came out negative as a transmitter of hemophilia. So honestly, I was too confident to believe that anything else major was going to happen. When Erick was diagnosed, I kept telling myself, this shit doesn't happen to us. Why us? Like seriously, why us; we had beaten so much odds and yet my son was diagnosed with cancer, like seriously what the fuck. And again I am so sorry I am cussing and being very raw with my emotions, but if I am being totally honest these were my actual emotions. And that is what I want with this blog, is to be honest as much as possible. So hopefully this helps a lot of parents. Thank you again for reading this. :)