When the storm hit

Have you ever had a mango? Yes, a mango, the sweet, golden, rich taste of a mango. When you chew it, you can feel the juices coming out of your mouth and rolling down your cheeks, and it is especially satisfying when you add a bit of spice. That is how my sweet Erick likes to eat his mango, And that was the last time he ate something at home before we had to go to the hospital. When I got the phone call around 6, the doctor told us to pack some toys for Erick, he needed a blood transfusion that day; my anxiety had risen up, but I still didn't think much of it. I did what I was told to do; I packed toys and a few outfits for Erick (children always get their clothes dirty). But I didn’t think much of Luis and I; Hell, I didn’t even pack my contact lens solution or its case. A few tears were running down our cheeks, but for the most part we remained calm and I was debating whether I call my mom or not.

See, my mom has been overprotecting of my sister and I, and of course even more when Erick was born. In 1994, my parents had lost their son, Luis Eric (hence, that is where I got Erick’s name), and every time Erick got sick, my mom would freak. And when I mean freak, I mean a whole speech was made, a lot of demanding questions were made, and I just didn’t want to hear her yelling. So while I was in the truck, I was debating, I finally called her and as always, she freaked and demanded we tell her what room we were going to be in when we got there.

Well, we finally got to the third floor of our local hospital, and waited in the little waiting area; at that time I was notifying my brother-in-law and his wife, we finally got put in our room (my mother included). When we got there, we were asked a million questions by the nurses, like “How did everything start?” and “when did it all begin?” and a few minutes later the pediatric doctors came and gave us a brief list of reasons of why Erick might need a blood transfusion, and to be quite honest, I don’t remember what they were, but I did remember they mentioned leukemia. Of course, at this point, I still didn’t connect that he might be diagnosed with leukemia; I still thought to myself, it’s nothing too major. Within the first thirty minutes of our stay, my brother-in-law and his wife came, the pediatric doctors returned, then it was another doctor with an interpreter and then my mother with my sister and her husband came; sat us all in a circle, and slowly she began to talk about Erick’s blood results.

At this point the last doctor that came in with the interpreter, Dr. P (I am going to keep a lot of people’s names private) Started to talk about how Erick had a high number of white blood cells, and how he had a lot of baby cells, and how he didn’t have enough red cells and that is why he needed a blood transfusion; and she slowly began to explain how these were symptoms of leukemia. Everyone for a second stayed silent, then for me, the tears started rolling down my cheeks, my mind went blank, the room was suddenly smaller, I was gasping for air and she finally said, “Erick has leukemia, now, there is nothing you did wrong, there is nothing you could have done better than to keep insisting to bring him the doctor and there is nothing that could have prevented him from having leukemia.

Of course these words didn’t mean jack shit to me. All I could think was, “Is this my fault?”, “ What did I do so wrong for him to have this”, “ WHY NOT ME!!!!!!!!!”, “DEAR GOD WHY NOT ME?!”. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I felt nauseated, Everything was so tight, and none of the words Dr. P told us could even stick to us. I just remember holding Luis’ hand and Dr. P kept promising us that she will do everything in her power to cure Erick, but deep down it was like my heart was crushed into pieces. All the pain I have ever received in my life was nothing compared to this pain. I had considered us too lucky, that we beat the odds, that this was just a confusion. Erick couldn’t have cancer, that’s not us, bad stuff doesn’t happen to us. I eventually said, “What did I do wrong?, and she said “ There is nothing you did wrong, you only did the right thing by bringing him back when you noticed he wasn’t himself”. All I could think was,” What did I do wrong?”, and I couldn’t keep thinking that one way or another it was.