Wine Wednesday

So, I have been blogging for four days straight, and let me tell you about reliving the past. I think that yesterday and today have been the hardest blogs I have ever written. As of right, what I am attempting to do is a story line of our first week at the hospital of Erick's diagnosis. And honestly recapping everything is so painful but I feel relieved and I feel like I needed this. I needed to express everything inside me and relive those moments at the hospital for MY well being. Because if I am being honest, after Erick was diagnosed, I immediately went into care taker mode. I was basically living to make Erick happy and make this experience as comfortable as possible and it wasn't until a few weeks later that I was starting to have anxiety attacks, and panic attacks and reliving every moment that had past. Most importantly blaming myself for Erick's diagnosis. I was not ok, and I don't think I will ever be, but I am not blaming myself for Erick's diagnosis. Life is unfair and unfortunately Erick was the one diagnosed, but I can't take care of him if I am not ok, and it is ok to say you're not ok. It's ok to find help and to speak out loud. My son is right beside me and I am beside him, and together with the doctor's help and my family's love and care, we will overcome this. This will be nothing more than a bad memory. I hope these blogs will help other parents come to peace with themselves and know that it is ok to say you're not ok.