Our New Normal

When we begin a new regiment, we are a bit doubtful. Either you are trying a new diet, or a new route home, or possibly a new job, we begin to doubt if we are capable of doing it. But we begin anyway and as time passes we begin to get used to this new regiment to the point that we aren’t even thinking about it as we are doing it. That is what I felt when Dr. B told us about Erick’s first month’s treatment plan. I thought to myself,”Shit, this is a lot of medications. What if I give him the wrong medicine, or give it to him at the wrong time? What if I mess this up? Gaaaaaahhh can I even do this? Well I can tell you, yes. You have to be able to do this. I reminded myself that if I don’t do this right, this is my child’s life. My son is only four and I have to be able to do this, my child depends on it.

Well, after he was discharged from the hospital, I reviewed the medication list and instructions only about 100 times and organized the medications by their times. And eventually it was time, it was time for me to give him the medicine. The first night of medications was hectic. Erick was freaking out, he thought that leaving the hospital was also leaving the medicine regiment behind. Oh was he so wrong. When we gave him his medicine he automatically threw up. We even called the doctor that night. She assured us that it was ok and that Erick was so new at this that it was fine if he panicked. Eventually he calmed down and the medicine was finally in his system.

The following Friday was Erick’s first appointment at the Cancer Center. That day they were going to give him medicine through his port and also give him chemo through his spinal fluid. Now the doctors had explained that leukemia tends to attack the spinal fluid and if it isn’t treated with chemo eventually leukemia will spread into the spinal fluid making it much harder to treat. (Please ask a hematology doctor for more accurate information). So in order to complete that procedure I couldn’t feed erick for about 8 hours prior and no drink 2 hours prior, plus he was on steroids which made his appetite quite big, and it was his first outpatient appointment. Not a good time.

The appointment had been a success despite a very grumpy and hungry kid, I knew that I could do this. Everything was made so easy for us to understand and Erick was slowly understanding what was going on. His first month of treatment was called the introduction, and the main goal for this month was to first: find out how aggressive his leukemia was, and second: for him to get the leukemia out of his system. The rest of treatment was going to depend on how aggressive the leukemia was and from there they would work on a stable treatment plan.

Even though Erick’s diagnosis has impacted our lives, the more we come to know about his type of leukemia, the more Luis and I find ease in this new normal. The doctors say Erick has a 90% chance of survival, but my maternal instinct knows for sure that Erick will overcome this. Since he was diagnosed Erick has not once been depressed, on the contrary he gives me so much joy by smiling always, he always has since he was a baby. Parents, children are so amazing and capable of everything. There is one quote that will forever be in my mind: “Sometimes, real heroes live in the hearts of small children fighting big battles” and trust me they are the true heroes.